Give yourself a new Seminole name, get a plane ticket to Miami, rent a car, then drive down to Everglades National Park in Flamingo. Techno music coming from the mono stereo works best for the midnight drive. When you get there, get an hour or two of sleep and then rent a canoe at the marina. There’s a skinny gentleman with a mustache that will get you on your way. Go outside, ask for Louis (like the king, not the Anderson) and get in the water. Get paddling and don’t get stuck at low tide. It’ll give you a real-life panic attack.
You’re in the Gulf of Mexico now, so watch for prehistoric looking birds floating by your head, sharks swimming beside your boat, and miles of pristine beach covered by mangroves. Keep going for 10 miles in the hot sun to the continental USA’s southern most point, East Cape Sable. This isn’t the gloomy Everglades swamps that keep you up at night. This is going to be your favorite place on earth. Full of no-see-ums, shells the size of your face, and lonesome fires on the beach. Unfortunately you might have missed the window. Right about now the bugs are rallying the troops to get ready for a couple of months of deathly humidity. You don’t want to be there, trust us. Wait until December and we’ll go with you. We promise.